Quite adamant is right. She stressed that fact when I talked to her in person, too.
Thing is, I don’t think she’s exaggerating. She would have no reason to. But there are those of us who could do a great deal to protect others in a time of crisis or emergency with our abilities, so you can see the problem.
Risking the slippery slope of using magic, of having to cause fear to fuel it, versus not having the tools to protect against supernatural forces when the situation is dire. One may lead to more harm, but it’s impossible to know which.
As a fellow doctor, I was wondering if you had a perspective on all of this.
[it was a difficult question, and one she had wondered, looking at the syringe that had ever been her companion. would using it hurt someone else? would it cause them strife, to seal another's wounds? but at the same time, she knows she's selfish enough to do so. to say that her patients, who gave their lives to her hands, deserve to live. and she'll heal more and more wounds to make up for the damages.]
I think it depends on what the ratio ends up being in fear to aid. Causing a jolt of fear to a crowd in exchange for the power to save someone's life, that's something I could live with. No lasting harm done, while preserving those that seek our help. Where it grows less clear is weighing the concept of power over what might cause harm to multiple. Even if they may heal in time, and it is less dire than what we face, is the guilt something we can shoulder, if done with the best of intentions? Only the individual can answer that - whether one robs Peter to pay Paul, or so the saying goes.
Personally, I cannot deny there are times in which even the most well intentioned rules can be broken.(I am entirely aware of the individual in our department who can help death be avoided.) I think that at least somewhat, we should be aware of how much we rely on certain things, and adjust for their potential absence.
Alternately, there is a different course of action I can think of, though one ADI may not entirely approve of. Those who would willingly offer themselves to undergo that fear, to live through the horror, knowing that giving of themselves would enable others to do better and be more of aid. I strongly suspect, given the host of personalities in our organization, there might be those willing to test themselves and undergo such for the greater good. The struggle then lies in whether consent excuses what occurs.
It's not a question there's a single good answer to, though.
[He reads this, glad of the thought she’s put into it. The answer is not so cut-and-dry, not as ADI would have them believe — Stephen knows that, and it’s vaguely a relief to see it reflected in someone else.
Balance in all things, after all. Utilitarianism, weighed against judgment and morality. It’s an individual choice, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a bad choice, just as it means it isn’t a good one. Stephen just isn’t sure that there is an end-all-be-all solution to their situation.]
No, there’s no clear answer. And there’s also an invisible line that shouldn’t be crossed, one that Lehrer was very clear to make: using our powers is akin to using an addictive drug. The more we do, the more we will want to, and not for the sake of helping others. At some point, the need to serve our patron entity becomes to strong that we would cause great harm. She told me of people who would set fire to the city, or of sorcerers using their magic to hurt people.
Obviously, that’s unacceptable. And on one side, it’s reasonable that ADI doesn’t trust us enough to make this judgment call. We’re just strangers from another world. If I was in their position, I’d probably make it a blanket rule, too.
I’ll tell you where I stand. I’m a sorcerer. My magic is *greatly* hampered here without fueling it with fear. And there will be a day when I will need it to save others, and when that day comes and I have none of it to draw on? I know I’ll regret it. Immensely.
The question I wish I'd had the opportunity to ask Ms. Lehrer is how exactly we're meant to hold back all of our abilities to stop forces greater than our knowing from destroying us, or if we're supposed to simply be a ship weathering the storm and repairing the aftermath. Perhaps an answer will reveal itself to us before that moment of regret comes to pass.
In the meanwhile, it sounds like for now, you'll do best by restraining yourself, so that if the time comes to take the drug, so to speak, there's less of a lasting effect. Not that I can officially prescribe such measures, though, even to a fellow doctor.
[in other words, this is only speculation and talk. what he chooses to do, she holds no responsibility for, despite giving her best advice on the situation.]
Don’t worry. I’ll take it as more of a second opinion than an official order. And I was of the same mind, anyway.
[Maybe it’s what he needed to hear from someone else in his field — the medical one, at least. That the risk is worth it, only for the right set of circumstances.
The drug they’re talking about is as dangerous as any; one hit is all it takes for some substances to hook their claws into an individual, and it’s downhill from there. But restraint? He can perhaps try, if his doses are few and far in-between.]
Small scares over a long period of time, maybe. Enough to generate an ace in the hole spell when the situation’s looking grim.
As for ADI, I can probably answer that for you. They’re not all reactionary. I’m under the impression that they have agents spread out, running missions often. We just aren’t privy to the details because, once again, it’s a matter of trust. I don’t think any of us have earned it.
[it makes her wonder if there's a replacement, ways to taper off when the compulsion was too strong. therapy, a cure - call it naivete, but she refuses to think of it immediately as a lost cause. more and more, what was given up as inevitable was fixed via medicine, or some new treatment, or the stubbornness and refusal to give up.]
No, and they're right to only allow us so much room to run about. It's simply difficult, to be handed the news that the world is under siege and then be told to be patient, to know there's information there and make peace with not knowing.
[A solution — he wonders, too, if it exists, waiting to be uncovered. The man who wants to fix everything, that old shadow of himself, says that there must be if they only look hard enough.
But he thinks back to his home—to Kaecillius, who wanted to circumvent death—and wonders if this is the same mindset of those who took it too far. Was there a transition to something more sinister, slow and insidious, much like what Lehrer warned? Are they flirting with the same outcome just by considering it?
Or are they allowing something terrible to happen merely because their hands are tied, bound by ADI’s authority?
Neither option is great.]
Do you intend to investigate in the field, Doctor Dyer? With or without ADI’s approval.
I understand that not everyone is trusting of the organization that’s taken us under their wing.
Even if I was making plans of that nature - which I am not - there's a large practical setback. My skills lie solely in the field of medicine, I have no combat expertise or experience handling the supernatural. To investigate unearthly threats on my own, with no approval guaranteed, would be tantamount to a suicide mission.
It’s important to have people working support as much as those who choose to investigate. I have some physical training, but without my magic, I’m in the same boat as you. So I understand.
That said, there are plenty here who could teach you the basics of self-defense. Preparation never hurts.
That's a relief to know. I'll take a look around once I know my next week's schedule. Hopefully someone will be willing to be patient with a complete novice.
I wouldn’t have offered if it was an imposition, Doctor Dyer. Besides, it’s for my benefit, too. If I can’t rely on my magic, then I’ll have to rely on my reflexes to make up for it.
Let’s meet up when our schedules allow it. Make sure to wear something easy to move around in.
— — — — — — —
[“When their schedules allow it” is in a few days time, when they’ve managed to steal away from the medical department, their colleagues subtly adamant that they take a break and finally detach themselves from the facilities.
Well, B3 is technically the same floor as the medical department, but Stephen’s nearly sure this counts. There’s a whole area devoted to weapons training, with spacious clearance to move around. The mats on the ground further sell the idea that this is where agents go to hone their hand-to-hand combat skills, or other means of melee — it’s no Kamar-Taj, outdoors and rife with a bracing breeze, but it’ll do.
He’s dressed… well, some would call it oddly. Donned in his sorcerer’s ensemble, minus the Cloak of Levitation, it’s not what he wears when making his rounds as a doctor, but it’s his version of normal. It’s what he equates to “easy to move around in”, and to fight in; it’s seen plenty of danger, after all, both mystical and physical.]
On a scale from 1 to 10, how confident do you feel about this first session?
[she's dressed quite similarly to how she looks at work, with the main change being that she's swapped a long skirt out for pants. decidedly not her usual style, but it seemed appropriate, seeing other women in their training, and her hair won't budge in a windstorm, so she's assuming she's fine.]
But one can't gain confidence in lack of trying, right?
Well, I was a strong “1” when I began my training, so you’re off to a better start than me.
[Which is a perhaps an understatement, given his struggles at the very start. The inability to cast magic, blaming his hands; his laughable attempts in sparring sessions against fellow would-be-sorcerers.
He waits for her to draw closer, to better feel the sensation of the mat beneath their feet.]
Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve had to defend yourself?
I’ve been there, too. And it’s enough, until the day that it isn’t.
[Fight for you life! Stephen still remembers Mordo’s barking command from that day, catching Stephen off-guard, driving home just how unprepared he would be if something did try to kill him.]
Say that you have your back against the wall, and I’m a threat. You have no choice but to fight; knowing what you do know about me, how would you go about it?
[Doctor Strange and his useless hands. A trait that does factor into his own fighting style, if it ever comes down to it.]
...I'd take stock of what I had in my surroundings and on my person. Perhaps if something could be thrown either to hit or as a distraction. If you move to dodge it, that could be a gap in your defense, and if it strikes you, that also tells me something.
[the thing she's not saying is that she doesn't expect him to catch it.]
[He can hear that implication clear as day, but hardly takes offense to it. It's the point he was trying to make, and she latched onto it without any further prompting on his part.]
Good, because being clever about how you attack is the only way to gain the advantage when you're otherwise at the disadvantage -- physically, or in terms of abilities.
[Magical, superpowered, or otherwise. He holds up his hands, which she's seen as scarred and weak before.]
You know me well enough to know that these are useless. So, since you have nothing to throw at me here, let me see you attack me yourself. However you like.
[clever, right...and against someone who's a much more experienced fighter than herself. there's not a wrong answer, she knows, but it still feels like a test, like he's evaluating her. in that case, she can only do her best to make a decent mark.
it's clumsy, the way she steps in to try to hit him with her right hand, but she switches before it gets too close to her left, hoping to catch him off guard. her guard's far too open, but the effort is there, trying to be confusing, to be smart about what they're going to do.]
[It is a test, but only marginally. It’s not as though he hasn’t been in that exact position—of not having any experience—but his own trials and tribulations were sometimes literally do-or-die. It makes sense to hammer some practice into her before she faces her own such instance; it would be a shame to lose one of their own, much less one devoted and entrenched in the medical practices that keep otherworlders safe and healthy.
Her misdirection is the right idea, but sloppily executed, and Stephen can read her intent before she approaches. Still, he raises a forearm to block, the force reverberating up to his wrist. It does hurt, a little.]
That’s the right idea. But your body language is giving everything away. Here, let me show you.
[And he does. And he shows her other stances, reveals the schools of thought the sorcerers taught him when it came to offense and defense, favoring precision of technique over the application of brute force. Time passes. It’s enough to have broken a sweat, and Stephen eventually calls the session to an end for now, rubbing the moisture from his brow.]
[it's a far different style from all the thoughts she's had, but it makes sense, like gears in a clockwork fitting their teeth together. she gives her all after that initial hesitation, definitely breathing hard, her forehead shining from exertion, but she never asks to stop. no, that would be counter productive to the exercise.
catching her breath with her hands on her knees, she looks over to him, feeling at once painfully aware of her own inadequacies but also that more determined to fight them.]
It's something, at the very least. Thank you for your instruction, Dr. Strange.
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Thing is, I don’t think she’s exaggerating. She would have no reason to. But there are those of us who could do a great deal to protect others in a time of crisis or emergency with our abilities, so you can see the problem.
Risking the slippery slope of using magic, of having to cause fear to fuel it, versus not having the tools to protect against supernatural forces when the situation is dire. One may lead to more harm, but it’s impossible to know which.
As a fellow doctor, I was wondering if you had a perspective on all of this.
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I think it depends on what the ratio ends up being in fear to aid. Causing a jolt of fear to a crowd in exchange for the power to save someone's life, that's something I could live with. No lasting harm done, while preserving those that seek our help. Where it grows less clear is weighing the concept of power over what might cause harm to multiple. Even if they may heal in time, and it is less dire than what we face, is the guilt something we can shoulder, if done with the best of intentions? Only the individual can answer that - whether one robs Peter to pay Paul, or so the saying goes.
Personally, I cannot deny there are times in which even the most well intentioned rules can be broken.(I am entirely aware of the individual in our department who can help death be avoided.) I think that at least somewhat, we should be aware of how much we rely on certain things, and adjust for their potential absence.
Alternately, there is a different course of action I can think of, though one ADI may not entirely approve of. Those who would willingly offer themselves to undergo that fear, to live through the horror, knowing that giving of themselves would enable others to do better and be more of aid. I strongly suspect, given the host of personalities in our organization, there might be those willing to test themselves and undergo such for the greater good. The struggle then lies in whether consent excuses what occurs.
It's not a question there's a single good answer to, though.
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Balance in all things, after all. Utilitarianism, weighed against judgment and morality. It’s an individual choice, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a bad choice, just as it means it isn’t a good one. Stephen just isn’t sure that there is an end-all-be-all solution to their situation.]
No, there’s no clear answer. And there’s also an invisible line that shouldn’t be crossed, one that Lehrer was very clear to make: using our powers is akin to using an addictive drug. The more we do, the more we will want to, and not for the sake of helping others. At some point, the need to serve our patron entity becomes to strong that we would cause great harm. She told me of people who would set fire to the city, or of sorcerers using their magic to hurt people.
Obviously, that’s unacceptable. And on one side, it’s reasonable that ADI doesn’t trust us enough to make this judgment call. We’re just strangers from another world. If I was in their position, I’d probably make it a blanket rule, too.
I’ll tell you where I stand. I’m a sorcerer. My magic is *greatly* hampered here without fueling it with fear. And there will be a day when I will need it to save others, and when that day comes and I have none of it to draw on? I know I’ll regret it. Immensely.
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In the meanwhile, it sounds like for now, you'll do best by restraining yourself, so that if the time comes to take the drug, so to speak, there's less of a lasting effect. Not that I can officially prescribe such measures, though, even to a fellow doctor.
[in other words, this is only speculation and talk. what he chooses to do, she holds no responsibility for, despite giving her best advice on the situation.]
cw: brief addiction analogy
[Maybe it’s what he needed to hear from someone else in his field — the medical one, at least. That the risk is worth it, only for the right set of circumstances.
The drug they’re talking about is as dangerous as any; one hit is all it takes for some substances to hook their claws into an individual, and it’s downhill from there. But restraint? He can perhaps try, if his doses are few and far in-between.]
Small scares over a long period of time, maybe. Enough to generate an ace in the hole spell when the situation’s looking grim.
As for ADI, I can probably answer that for you. They’re not all reactionary. I’m under the impression that they have agents spread out, running missions often. We just aren’t privy to the details because, once again, it’s a matter of trust. I don’t think any of us have earned it.
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No, and they're right to only allow us so much room to run about. It's simply difficult, to be handed the news that the world is under siege and then be told to be patient, to know there's information there and make peace with not knowing.
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But he thinks back to his home—to Kaecillius, who wanted to circumvent death—and wonders if this is the same mindset of those who took it too far. Was there a transition to something more sinister, slow and insidious, much like what Lehrer warned? Are they flirting with the same outcome just by considering it?
Or are they allowing something terrible to happen merely because their hands are tied, bound by ADI’s authority?
Neither option is great.]
Do you intend to investigate in the field, Doctor Dyer? With or without ADI’s approval.
I understand that not everyone is trusting of the organization that’s taken us under their wing.
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[A beat, another message:]
I mean that seriously, not sarcastically.
It’s important to have people working support as much as those who choose to investigate. I have some physical training, but without my magic, I’m in the same boat as you. So I understand.
That said, there are plenty here who could teach you the basics of self-defense. Preparation never hurts.
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Some people even say I’m patient.
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text -> action, a couple days later
Let’s meet up when our schedules allow it. Make sure to wear something easy to move around in.
[“When their schedules allow it” is in a few days time, when they’ve managed to steal away from the medical department, their colleagues subtly adamant that they take a break and finally detach themselves from the facilities.
Well, B3 is technically the same floor as the medical department, but Stephen’s nearly sure this counts. There’s a whole area devoted to weapons training, with spacious clearance to move around. The mats on the ground further sell the idea that this is where agents go to hone their hand-to-hand combat skills, or other means of melee — it’s no Kamar-Taj, outdoors and rife with a bracing breeze, but it’ll do.
He’s dressed… well, some would call it oddly. Donned in his sorcerer’s ensemble, minus the Cloak of Levitation, it’s not what he wears when making his rounds as a doctor, but it’s his version of normal. It’s what he equates to “easy to move around in”, and to fight in; it’s seen plenty of danger, after all, both mystical and physical.]
On a scale from 1 to 10, how confident do you feel about this first session?
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[she's dressed quite similarly to how she looks at work, with the main change being that she's swapped a long skirt out for pants. decidedly not her usual style, but it seemed appropriate, seeing other women in their training, and her hair won't budge in a windstorm, so she's assuming she's fine.]
But one can't gain confidence in lack of trying, right?
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[Which is a perhaps an understatement, given his struggles at the very start. The inability to cast magic, blaming his hands; his laughable attempts in sparring sessions against fellow would-be-sorcerers.
He waits for her to draw closer, to better feel the sensation of the mat beneath their feet.]
Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve had to defend yourself?
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[she'll leave out the parts that make this complicated.]
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[Fight for you life! Stephen still remembers Mordo’s barking command from that day, catching Stephen off-guard, driving home just how unprepared he would be if something did try to kill him.]
Say that you have your back against the wall, and I’m a threat. You have no choice but to fight; knowing what you do know about me, how would you go about it?
[Doctor Strange and his useless hands. A trait that does factor into his own fighting style, if it ever comes down to it.]
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[the thing she's not saying is that she doesn't expect him to catch it.]
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Good, because being clever about how you attack is the only way to gain the advantage when you're otherwise at the disadvantage -- physically, or in terms of abilities.
[Magical, superpowered, or otherwise. He holds up his hands, which she's seen as scarred and weak before.]
You know me well enough to know that these are useless. So, since you have nothing to throw at me here, let me see you attack me yourself. However you like.
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it's clumsy, the way she steps in to try to hit him with her right hand, but she switches before it gets too close to her left, hoping to catch him off guard. her guard's far too open, but the effort is there, trying to be confusing, to be smart about what they're going to do.]
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Her misdirection is the right idea, but sloppily executed, and Stephen can read her intent before she approaches. Still, he raises a forearm to block, the force reverberating up to his wrist. It does hurt, a little.]
That’s the right idea. But your body language is giving everything away. Here, let me show you.
[And he does. And he shows her other stances, reveals the schools of thought the sorcerers taught him when it came to offense and defense, favoring precision of technique over the application of brute force. Time passes. It’s enough to have broken a sweat, and Stephen eventually calls the session to an end for now, rubbing the moisture from his brow.]
Not too bad, Doctor Dyer. It’s a good start.
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catching her breath with her hands on her knees, she looks over to him, feeling at once painfully aware of her own inadequacies but also that more determined to fight them.]
It's something, at the very least. Thank you for your instruction, Dr. Strange.
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