[ His good eye is closed, he doesn't move beyond petting slow circles into her hip. She is right, and he comprehends this. That he will not be that man, that dog. Shimano isn't around to own him, to suffocate him with his cruelty. Whatever happens to Makoto, he won't see. ]
Means Shimano takes me back.
[ Does he go out of fear, obedience, spite? Majima doesn't know. Akiyama says that Shimano is dead, but doesn't know if it was Majima who killed him. What would it feel like to look down at that corpse? Complicated, dizzying. ]
Gettin' back was th'only thing that kept me goin'. Said he'd take me back if I killed Makoto, but know I couldn't.
[ It fizzles in his mind then, cold dread: maybe Shimano knew he couldn't too. What does seem clear is that what Shimano really wanted was probably to knee-cap Sohei Dojima. Majima's assault on their family HQ met the criteria. But that's not the thread that Majima stays on, there's something else she needs to understand: ]
Needed t'get back. Left my people in Tokyo, Saejima and his sister. Saejima's in jail, thinkin' I left him to swing alone on a hit. An' I don't know where Yasuko is...
That's how he knows me. Akiyama. He had Yasuko hired in his hostess club, an' I came lookin' for her.
[ It's too many names, too many people, and now two different timelines, before and after, that weave in and out of each other. ]
[she lets the words hang in the air, thinking of the years in between. so many things can occur. so many people can die. so much can shift and change and yet not enough things can change. she wishes there were enough answers for him. certainty to smooth down all the broken edges. but here comes in one man like an oracle, and it becomes so, so obvious why he had spun away. whatever that man had told him, the extent of it, it had been too much to bear, enough that he had to go and let it run through him.
his people. that leads her to one conclusion. his behavior, and those words. she presses herself into him just a bit closer, because it lays itself out in her head. if he went back to Tokyo, if they had been there for him - something must have happened to one or both of them.
where are they now? the question hangs over them, unspoken, but if he can't bear to say it, Emily won't make him.]
[she shifts, propping herself up some so she can look at him. usually, she wouldn't interrupt. usually, she'd let him keep going, but she can see the path this is going - blaming himself, tying a corpse to his body and carrying it.]
I don't believe such a thing would happen if you had even the slightest say in it. If you had the capacity, I'm sure it would have turned out differently.
[ There's a low growl to the way he says it, so much anger suppressed. It's that mixture of fury and pain that snaps him in the end, a vortex of fire that tears up everything. Maybe it makes him lighter for a little while, but the detritus will build up again: as he lets Makoto walk away, as Mirei chooses her career over their marriage, as Yasuko dies. Yasuko... ]
It was th'same bastards who set me an' Taiga up.
[ He rolls again to look her in the face, frowning. ]
That's th'yakuza, Em. They used us as steppin' stones for their own clout. Shibata had my fuckin' eye taken out because it made him look good. Taiga is gonna be executed so that some Ueno-seiwa bastard could play hero an' look good with his boss.
Then that Ueno fuck blackmailed Yasuko with gettin' her brother free. He had her killin' Shibata's men cuz he was done playin' friends.
[ Betrayals upon betrayals, using their power and influence and violence to manipulate and dispose of anyone in their path. It's not just the hurt he's feeling that he wants her to understand, it's the depths of his concern for everyone in Jigoku-cho. This is an ugly game. ]
[for a long moment, she's just silent, sorrow written on her face. understanding, absorbing - how she doesn't wish to demean anything he's telling her with the wrong thing. carefully, she reaches for one of his hands, linking it with her own, holding it in that silence until she finds words.]
...That's why you're fighting so hard. So no one will ever touch you again.
[not him, not the people he cares about, that are his. they need to be protected, somehow preserved. that's why then this can be hell.]
But...this time, you know them a little better. And you have those willing to be at your side, whatever you decide to do. Whatever it takes.
[it's brutal, it's wrong, and it makes the heart bleed. but there are still candles, little spots of brightness against the thick and heavy darkness of it all. she raises their joined hands, kisses his. a mirror of something she did a few months back, promising to stand by him, to be patient and to help him achieve his goals, his happiness. that hasn't changed.
even if he has to play this terrible, terrible game, that hasn't changed.]
[ Because his love is a vibrant thing that refuses to be quiet. Even at the precipice of giving up, he was inspired by his adoration for a girl who deserved better. She kisses his hand and he gathers her up against him with the arm around her waist. ]
Whatever happened... Th'way he went back t'Tokyo worked. The Mad Dog is the chairman's right hand. Biggest family in th'city. That means I'm paying wages to 10,000 guys that need it.
[ His voice is soft because they're so close, but there's a raised note of excitement: 10,000. Compare that to how he's just barely managing to get the other Lost Souls straggling along with him now. ]
But I gotta go out there an' work for it. Make a reputation so big, people are scared t'fuck with what's mine.
[ Reputation and appearances are everything to a yakuza. The way they inspire their followers is how they keep their loyalty and awe. He needs to do more. ]
[it sounds simple, and she knows its anything but. mow that he knows he can, his determination won't end. a force of ten thousand, their loyalties to him and what he represents. and never having to be scared again.
tucked up close to next to him, he'll almost feel her hum of assent more than hear it.]
What can I do?
[tell her how she can help. what they can do to make him into a myth. he says the word, and she will.]
Of course. That's why you have a key, after all. Go out there, do whatever you need to as Toraguma's fearsome snake, and then here, you can remember that you are Goro.
[belonging only to himself.]
We'll figure out some ways to make it even more real. A few scenes to stage, maybe...somewhere that our people will notice.
If I make a point of taking care of and seeing to at least some of who you harm, that does credit to my own reputation and that of the Alliance. They fear you for the violence and respect me for the aid offered.
[of course there was a genuine streak of caring, to see people do better. but she's not blind to what favors do for other people, and how she can do good deeds to an end when needed. ambition never died in her - just was put on hold.]
[ He hopes that helps to protect her, to put her at the other end of his dichotomy... A powerful saint that handles a powerful demon. Worthy of respect and protection for the work she does. His arms tighten around her. ]
Don't wanna live half-alive anymore, Em.
[ She had asked him before: what he wanted, where he was going. He needs to drive his life forward on his own terms. And he wants her to be there with him. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[at the very least, a mockery. mad dog. it doesn't fit - at least, not the man she knows. but if he had been pushed somehow, used even more...
names start from somewhere, after all.]
Strange to know what might have been in your life. Already, it's changed from what that man would know you as.
[since getting pulled into hell was probably never in the life of the Majima that stranger knows.]
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Means Shimano takes me back.
[ Does he go out of fear, obedience, spite? Majima doesn't know. Akiyama says that Shimano is dead, but doesn't know if it was Majima who killed him. What would it feel like to look down at that corpse? Complicated, dizzying. ]
Gettin' back was th'only thing that kept me goin'. Said he'd take me back if I killed Makoto, but know I couldn't.
[ It fizzles in his mind then, cold dread: maybe Shimano knew he couldn't too. What does seem clear is that what Shimano really wanted was probably to knee-cap Sohei Dojima. Majima's assault on their family HQ met the criteria. But that's not the thread that Majima stays on, there's something else she needs to understand: ]
Needed t'get back. Left my people in Tokyo, Saejima and his sister. Saejima's in jail, thinkin' I left him to swing alone on a hit. An' I don't know where Yasuko is...
That's how he knows me. Akiyama. He had Yasuko hired in his hostess club, an' I came lookin' for her.
[ It's too many names, too many people, and now two different timelines, before and after, that weave in and out of each other. ]
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his people. that leads her to one conclusion. his behavior, and those words. she presses herself into him just a bit closer, because it lays itself out in her head. if he went back to Tokyo, if they had been there for him - something must have happened to one or both of them.
where are they now? the question hangs over them, unspoken, but if he can't bear to say it, Emily won't make him.]
Did he say that you find her?
[that's the more important question.]
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[ He settles on his back, his other arm thrown wearily over his face. ]
Akiyama's tellin' me I'm one've the most feared men in Tokyo. An' I still can't save one fuckin' girl?
[ Akiyama knows Yasuko as a 43-year-old woman. The last time Majima saw her: she was 18. ]
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[she shifts, propping herself up some so she can look at him. usually, she wouldn't interrupt. usually, she'd let him keep going, but she can see the path this is going - blaming himself, tying a corpse to his body and carrying it.]
I don't believe such a thing would happen if you had even the slightest say in it. If you had the capacity, I'm sure it would have turned out differently.
[it's not your fault.]
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Tired of not havin' a say.
[ There's a low growl to the way he says it, so much anger suppressed. It's that mixture of fury and pain that snaps him in the end, a vortex of fire that tears up everything. Maybe it makes him lighter for a little while, but the detritus will build up again: as he lets Makoto walk away, as Mirei chooses her career over their marriage, as Yasuko dies. Yasuko... ]
It was th'same bastards who set me an' Taiga up.
[ He rolls again to look her in the face, frowning. ]
That's th'yakuza, Em. They used us as steppin' stones for their own clout. Shibata had my fuckin' eye taken out because it made him look good. Taiga is gonna be executed so that some Ueno-seiwa bastard could play hero an' look good with his boss.
Then that Ueno fuck blackmailed Yasuko with gettin' her brother free. He had her killin' Shibata's men cuz he was done playin' friends.
[ Betrayals upon betrayals, using their power and influence and violence to manipulate and dispose of anyone in their path. It's not just the hurt he's feeling that he wants her to understand, it's the depths of his concern for everyone in Jigoku-cho. This is an ugly game. ]
no subject
...That's why you're fighting so hard. So no one will ever touch you again.
[not him, not the people he cares about, that are his. they need to be protected, somehow preserved. that's why then this can be hell.]
But...this time, you know them a little better. And you have those willing to be at your side, whatever you decide to do. Whatever it takes.
[it's brutal, it's wrong, and it makes the heart bleed. but there are still candles, little spots of brightness against the thick and heavy darkness of it all. she raises their joined hands, kisses his. a mirror of something she did a few months back, promising to stand by him, to be patient and to help him achieve his goals, his happiness. that hasn't changed.
even if he has to play this terrible, terrible game, that hasn't changed.]
no subject
[ Because his love is a vibrant thing that refuses to be quiet. Even at the precipice of giving up, he was inspired by his adoration for a girl who deserved better. She kisses his hand and he gathers her up against him with the arm around her waist. ]
Whatever happened... Th'way he went back t'Tokyo worked. The Mad Dog is the chairman's right hand. Biggest family in th'city. That means I'm paying wages to 10,000 guys that need it.
[ His voice is soft because they're so close, but there's a raised note of excitement: 10,000. Compare that to how he's just barely managing to get the other Lost Souls straggling along with him now. ]
But I gotta go out there an' work for it. Make a reputation so big, people are scared t'fuck with what's mine.
[ Reputation and appearances are everything to a yakuza. The way they inspire their followers is how they keep their loyalty and awe. He needs to do more. ]
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tucked up close to next to him, he'll almost feel her hum of assent more than hear it.]
What can I do?
[tell her how she can help. what they can do to make him into a myth. he says the word, and she will.]
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[ It's already what they've been practicing, but they'll have to take it out into public. ]
They already think yer th'only one who can handle me, let 'em keep thinkin' it. You're just that strong, yer doin' somethin' nobody else can.
[ He breathes in against her hair. ]
An'... I dunno... help remind me that it's just an act sometimes.
[ Or else he'll get lost in it, get too close to the fire of his real feelings and burn himself up. ]
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[belonging only to himself.]
We'll figure out some ways to make it even more real. A few scenes to stage, maybe...somewhere that our people will notice.
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[ He will never be as out of control as he looks, but the unpredictable violence is a tool in this performance. It will still be very real. ]
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[of course there was a genuine streak of caring, to see people do better. but she's not blind to what favors do for other people, and how she can do good deeds to an end when needed. ambition never died in her - just was put on hold.]
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Don't wanna live half-alive anymore, Em.
[ She had asked him before: what he wanted, where he was going. He needs to drive his life forward on his own terms. And he wants her to be there with him. ]
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[she whispers it into his skin, a surety. as if she knows, when all she does is hope as fiercely as years of jaded quiet allow.
he wants, and that's the step forward. where he goes, she'll still be there at his side. there's no question of it.]