[she can guess. she knows the man has been volatile recently, but she also knows when he might respond to her talking to him and when he needs to burn off whatever's rolling and twisting in his chest. she checks in, reminds him she's here, but she doesn't step in his path - her arms are here for when he decides to come back to them.
she also can tell that Nishitani isn't happy, if he's contacting her out of the blue about him.]
He's pissing me off! [ A half truth, but the brunt of the issue. ] He's fucking around with Izo, made the kid fucking come running to me with the shit he's been doing. He's been biting at people who care about him and--
Doesn't want to see me again, apparently. Prick. [ The anger doesn't hide the hurt or the confusion and he's not trying to hide any of that, either. Nishitani swore his life to Majima, and now Majima is acting like Nishitani is "too much" or "too involved." ]
[ Nishitani knows he's a lot. He's made his life off being a lot to handle. That's just how it is. He thought Majima got it. ]
"Stay away from me" seems pretty fucking cut and dry. [ Nishitani's knee bounces. ] That was a couple of days ago, and no, I haven't. Asshole can solve his own fucking problems. [ Nishitani doesn't mean that. Being apart from Majima has Nishitani going out of his fucking mind. He hyperfocuses, he worries at people until they split under this thumb. This attitude sent him far in ranks, but in interpersonal relationships, his direct focus burns and many people have fled. ]
I already don't fucking like it, so lay it on me. [ His patience levels are fine, he's got more than half his tea left so there's something for him to do with his hands and the bouncing of his knee is from manic energy, not true irritation at her. He knows, too, that he needs to hear what Emily is about to say. Loathe he is to admit, but she's spent more time with Majima, knows him better than Nishitani does. Fuck. ]
[she shifts so her legs are to one side, more comfortable than seiza, and looks at the smoke curling up from the incense. the shopkeeper had prepared this after she had described her companion, and she wonders if it helps him at all. they had a knack for this.]
You're going to have to leave him alone for a while, Nishitani. Not forever, but long enough for him to calm down. He's not even letting me talk to him, and I seem to have a way with getting him to listen to reason most of the time. The best cure right now is giving him space, even if you long to fix it, to free him - you coming in will only give him what he sees as another roadblock. So, step back, and let this go through. Let him find his center again, and look at the world with a clear head, when he isn't lashing out at whatever is near.
It's not you. It's the entire world, right now, and he needs to be upset at it. I couldn't tell you why, but even if I knew, that's not my business to share. What matters is that we let him. If we don't, if we interfere, keep pushing, that anger will include us, and sink in like a scar.
[she shakes her head a little.]
I know you care about him. It's why I'm going to tell you that whatever passion this ignites in you, move it somewhere else. Work on the Celestial, follow your hobbies, find some new faces in the Lost Souls to spend time with. Turn your mind elsewhere, so you don't wear yourself into resentment over this and poison the well. [she shrugs.] It's what I've been doing. The clinic, a few new lessons, talking to friends...I know he'll come back, when he's ready.
[ Nishitani's grip tightens on his cup the longer Emily speaks, and multiple times he wants to bark, he wants to bite, he wants to say I won't let go, I can't let go, I don't know how to let go-- but he doesn't. He swallows his tongue, because he trusts that she won't lie to him. Nishitani doesn't trust easy, not from a lifetime of lies that surrounded him, he the only one willing to be truthful every time he opened his mouth. Over time, he's learnt to speak the way he does so no one can use his own words against him anymore-- sex the only safe subject between underlings looking to rise ranks, no matter the price. Trust is difficult when everyone he's ever known had been sand between his fingers. ]
[ At the end, he finally takes his eyes away from where he'd turned them and looks directly at Emily. In front of her is Nishitani, patriarch of his own fucking clan-- but more than that: Nishitani, the man, Nishitani, hurt, Nishitani, vulnerable. He doesn't trust people. When he speaks, it's a child who speaks, wary from having his trust broken for the first time, but willing to extend it again. ]
[reaching forward, she lays one of her hands on his free one, a touch to punctuate her words. she doesn't know what will come - if Majima will ever let Nishitani as near as he wants to be, but in her eyes, her bearing, her tone, there is no lies. this is the help she can offer, what she can do to accept and shield the vulnerability that he's showing her now. it won't be hurt, or misused. it stays in this room, where no one else hears. his blood stays in his body, and his trust remains intact.
whatever comes next depends on Nishitani's own actions. if he can bear to give them that distance or not, if he can relax his grip, and find he's still holding on. take a breath. clarifying smoke in the lungs, drawn deep. you're still here.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[she can guess. she knows the man has been volatile recently, but she also knows when he might respond to her talking to him and when he needs to burn off whatever's rolling and twisting in his chest. she checks in, reminds him she's here, but she doesn't step in his path - her arms are here for when he decides to come back to them.
she also can tell that Nishitani isn't happy, if he's contacting her out of the blue about him.]
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Doesn't want to see me again, apparently. Prick. [ The anger doesn't hide the hurt or the confusion and he's not trying to hide any of that, either. Nishitani swore his life to Majima, and now Majima is acting like Nishitani is "too much" or "too involved." ]
[ Nishitani knows he's a lot. He's made his life off being a lot to handle. That's just how it is. He thought Majima got it. ]
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Did he say that to you? When? And have you tried to speak to him since?
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[taking a sip, she sets the cup back down, and takes a breath.]
I'm going to tell you something, and you're not going to like hearing it, but I ask that you listen until the end.
[she looks at him carefully, trying to judge his patience levels.]
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You're going to have to leave him alone for a while, Nishitani. Not forever, but long enough for him to calm down. He's not even letting me talk to him, and I seem to have a way with getting him to listen to reason most of the time. The best cure right now is giving him space, even if you long to fix it, to free him - you coming in will only give him what he sees as another roadblock. So, step back, and let this go through. Let him find his center again, and look at the world with a clear head, when he isn't lashing out at whatever is near.
It's not you. It's the entire world, right now, and he needs to be upset at it. I couldn't tell you why, but even if I knew, that's not my business to share. What matters is that we let him. If we don't, if we interfere, keep pushing, that anger will include us, and sink in like a scar.
[she shakes her head a little.]
I know you care about him. It's why I'm going to tell you that whatever passion this ignites in you, move it somewhere else. Work on the Celestial, follow your hobbies, find some new faces in the Lost Souls to spend time with. Turn your mind elsewhere, so you don't wear yourself into resentment over this and poison the well. [she shrugs.] It's what I've been doing. The clinic, a few new lessons, talking to friends...I know he'll come back, when he's ready.
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[ At the end, he finally takes his eyes away from where he'd turned them and looks directly at Emily. In front of her is Nishitani, patriarch of his own fucking clan-- but more than that: Nishitani, the man, Nishitani, hurt, Nishitani, vulnerable. He doesn't trust people. When he speaks, it's a child who speaks, wary from having his trust broken for the first time, but willing to extend it again. ]
Promise?
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[reaching forward, she lays one of her hands on his free one, a touch to punctuate her words. she doesn't know what will come - if Majima will ever let Nishitani as near as he wants to be, but in her eyes, her bearing, her tone, there is no lies. this is the help she can offer, what she can do to accept and shield the vulnerability that he's showing her now. it won't be hurt, or misused. it stays in this room, where no one else hears. his blood stays in his body, and his trust remains intact.
whatever comes next depends on Nishitani's own actions. if he can bear to give them that distance or not, if he can relax his grip, and find he's still holding on. take a breath. clarifying smoke in the lungs, drawn deep. you're still here.]