[ It is hard to say, and her understanding silence helps cool the heat of it. So he says a little more, because he can and because it hurts and most of the time it hurts worse because he's standing in a crowd of people who look at him like he's just another guy when he's actually tatters. ]

I was... fearless an' stupid. I had Saejima, nothin' could stop us... we were gonna climb all th'way to the top, or die tryin'. Now he's sittin' in jail for twenty-five years an' I'm... banished. Banished all th'way to Hell.

[ He does breathe, a big shaking inhale. ]

Everybody keeps tellin' me I can earn somethin' back. If I just put my head down an' work hard enough for 'em. They're all lyin' to me. There's no goin' back.